A "Prop"-position: a propositional position on props

For years conversationalists have enlisted the use of props to aid in their soliloquies. Prince Hamlet’s legendary skull, Stephen Hawking’s voicebox, and General Patton’s whipping stick have unmistakably been used to deepen the meaning of their speeches. Like a painter’s brushstrokes, the use of an outside object can effectively turn a ho-hum point into a BAM! moment.

Much like gesticulation, the role of props in everyday conversation cannot be overlooked. In fact, one might go so far as to say that tools are mere extensions of dramatic gestures. When at first one might passively ignore someone’s motives, with doohickey in hand, that simply is no longer plausibly possible.

Allow me to present an argument in support: Oddjob, a funny little Bond villain. Though undoubtedly strong, normal comments from this near-dwarf are all too often scoffed at. With deadly hat in hand, however, this all changes. Knowing he is on the ready to severely sever your cervix, one has to perk up and listen with fear at his demands.

Although many of the scenarios that come to mind deal with props as a demonic tool in conversations, one mustn’t forget alternative impacts. One of my personal favorites is the use of fruit, in particular an apple. No matter how one bites into his/her apple during conversation, the receiving end cannot help but feel that they are in the presence of a pompous individual: “Sure… (chomp)… I totally agree (eyes roll)…”. Or perhaps the use of one’s finger in use of the always influential, albeit nagging, prodding prodigy: “I’ll tell you what (poke… prod) mister (poke 2…poke 3), I sure ain’t listening to your bulls%#$ (prod 2, prod 3, prod 4, prod 5) anymore…”. And the always popular decoy prop: “So I’m at the grocery store the other day (and how does this mangled baby’s hand fit in) and I see the price of cheese is…”.

Though I encourage all to use props, one must follow a few basic guidelines. Firstly, please limit props to being held with one’s hands (all other extremities offer little for non-paraplegics). Secondly, for the average non-pirate, shoulder pets are just weird. And finally, be safe with your props – we don’t want to lose an arm and a leg over a conversation. Follow these simple rules and choose your prop carefully and any jargon that comes out of your mouth will instantly be a little more provocative.

Ashley Miller